My Thoughts on ‘13 Reasons Why’

I do not know where to begin. I mean unless you have been living under a rock, I am sure you have heard of the show 13 Reasons Why, on Netflix. Apparently from a previously written book (side-note: I have not read the book). Let me be frank, I will piss off some with this post. Others, I will encourage, and even others I will bring to tears. It is not my intention to completely tear the show down or build it up. It is my intention to be very transparent and give my view. I would highly recommend you continue reading, no matter if you are a teen or a parent reading this.

I am relatively young (32 – I know OLD to some of you),  a mom to four (all tweens/teens), a youth leader in a ministry of about 130-150 teens, and a survivor of many things depicted in the series…. I can look at this show from a variety of angles…  I started watching this show, not because it is the IT show but because I had already seen so many things posted from our students, had a few girls coming to talk to me about things they had seen, and things that had happened to them (THANK GOD they felt comfortable enough to come to me and share their anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, and pain). I felt the only way to combat and give light to these situations and be able to fully speak Light into them, is by knowing what I was up against….So here is what I have to say.

First and foremost, If you have been raped or molested in any way – I BEG you do not watch this show. As someone who has been raped and molested (once for years off and on as a child and one time as an adult woman), I can tell you, it was sickening to watch this show and see what happened. I am an adult woman, who has overcome and forgiven the two that were involved with my abuse. I have given the shame, guilt, hurt, etc… all to God. I can openly talk about it and even tell you that as an adult woman, I had put myself in a dangerous situation with a guy I didn’t know all too well and take some responsibility for my stupidity (does not let the guy off the hook that I told no to). I know God forgives me of my actions and forgives the abusers as well. But even as a woman who is healed and talks with teen girls about their own sexual abuse (which sadly has been a regular thing the last few years), I can tell you, this show brought back EVERY memory I had of my accounts of abuse. I was sickened to my stomach and almost threw up. As I am telling my husband about it and the graphic details that are shown, I am tensed up and shaking. I had nightmares again last night, which I have been free of for a long while.

If you know of someone who was or you were raped or molested – PLEASE come forward with it. It sucks to hide and keep this crap to yourself. I did it for years! It made things worse. Get help.

Secondly, Self harm is NOT how you deal with abuse, loneliness, sadness, etc. You are wonderfully and beautifully made in the image of Christ. He cares so much about you. You are worth so much more than the cut marks on your body, then the numerous drinks you take, than the amount of drugs you inhale or ingest, or the number of guys or girls you sleep with or don’t sleep with.

This show is disgusting. I think it is horrible that rape, molestation, bullying, teens struggling with abuse at home and in school, has become such a “hit show.” I think this shows how far we have fallen. This show turns real life torture and abuse into a soap opera that, even though the rating for this show is TV-MA (meaning over the age of 17 and says adults only if you read the rating meanings) is marketed towards teens. The book was a #1 selling book in 2011 and marketed towards teens, so why wouldn’t the show be?? Will teens understand some of the feelings and on-goings at the high school depicted – yes – absolutely. I am not naive enough to think they do not know that this kind of thing is happening. This show is not the way to bring awareness to it though. This show is made to suck you in like a soap opera drama and you want to know what is going to happen next. It is just another way to desensitize society to things that should completely wreck you and make you want to do something about it, not sit on the couch and wonder whats going to happen next and if someone is going to pay for what happened.

I started watching this show to be able to speak into my students lives, and even my own kids if they end up watching it at a friends house or hearing about it. Knowledge is power. I had to force myself to finish watching the series because the images depicted and the content broke my heart and sickened me.

I seriously beg you to not let your teen watch this… If you are a teen watching this, please talk with an adult about what you are watching and feeling with this show. I’m not mad or disappointed with you. It just concerns me. Having dealt with teens who are depressed, been bullied, molested, etc…  and have had teens in these situations come to me – questioning things because it seemed that the death was – although gruesome, sad, and graphic – was almost glorified through the counting the tapes up until she dies. And now, at the end.. its not the end… it ends on a cliff hanger of the awaiting trail/what happens with the tapes, and of what another bullied kid is going to do in retaliation – which implies shooting up the school or his hit list of photographs… I wont continue watching. I can’t.

So again, I ask you to just turn it off – you want to make a difference? You want to know real life? Go befriend the kid that gets bullied. Have open conversations with your teens without judgement. Learn the warning signs and have the courage to help/say something/stop a bully/reach out. If this is you – reach out. You have a purpose.

We are called to be not of this world… to do that we have to actually be not of this world. Be bold and courageous (Joshua 1:9). Be an example of Christ. Introduce people to the Hope (Hebrews 6:19). Fill your mind with Light verses this darkness.

I love the message version of Romans 12:2, “Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out…Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”